Dear A_, You are really nice. If only you were taller…and not the shape of a beachball…
Dear A_, Bad timing bad timing bad timing. Too bad since we got along so well. You always liked the weirdest girls. I think I was the most normal girlfriend you ever had.
Dear B_, I wish we'd gone out more. I had the craziest crush on you for years after I saw you last.
Dear B_, We had some good times. Sadly, I have given up all hope for you. I'm happier without you. I think you're crazy. P.S. You owe me money.
Dear C_, Going out with you made me feel like I was in high school but in a lame way, not a fun way. The beater car, the concert, you being shorter than me…I'm glad you lost my number. Please stop emailing me asking for it again.
Dear C_, You were great, but I'm glad we don't talk anymore. I think you're shady.
Dear D_, You need to shower more often. You always smell bad and my mom says you're too chatty. I agree. Plus you're a hypocrite. Get over yourself, you're not that cool. Not even close.
Dear D_, It would have never worked out if we dated for obvious reasons, but wouldn't it have been fun if it had!? You were so good looking. I loved your hair.
Dear E_, I'd like to pretend I never knew you. Can you not ever tell anyone we ever went out? I find it embarrassing. No one liked you, not even me. I don't know what I was thinking.
Dear J_, You made me happy. I still miss you.
Dear L_, You had a really nice car, a fancy house and you were really good looking, but lacked personality. I'm not sure why I felt dumb when I ran into you recently but I'm glad you said hello.
Dear M_, You are special. I still have that poem you wrote me.
Dear S_, I'm sorry for how I treated you. I think of you often. I'm glad you are happy and successful now. I still sing that song you wrote me when I'm driving in my car alone.
Dear T_, When we went on that first double date I thought I was going out with your friend not you. I never told you that. It was a pleasant surprise.
Dear Fish Tacos, I will love you forever. Are you busy tonight? Let's get together at Lone Star Taqueria.